Professor and Sailor

A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:

“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?

The sailor said no to all his questions.

Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.

After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?

The professor said no.

Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.

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Son takes his father to the doctor.

Son takes his father to the doctor.

Doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it.

While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS.

When the friends leave the son asks, 'Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?'


The father replies, 'I don't want them screwing your mother after I'm gone!'

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Dad's money

So this kid has been using lots of his dad's money and the dad says, "Do you think money grows on trees?"

"Yeah," says the kid.

"Well, it doesn't," says the dad.

"So what is money made out of, Dad?"

"Paper," the dad says.

"And what is paper made out of?"

"Shut up."

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The longer you stare ....

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7 reasons why men's lives are easier

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Police and Me

Police: where do u live?

Me: with my parents

Police: where does ur parents live?

Me: with me

Police: where do u all live?

Me: together

Police: where is ur house?

Me: next to my neighbors house

Police: where is your neighbors house?

Me: if i tell you u wont believe me.

Police: tell me

Me: next to my house

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Can I Help you sir ???

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My Teach and I

My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said that at the end of this ruler is an IDIOT.

I got a detention after asking which end!

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The millionaire husband

James: I became a millionaire after marriage.

Fred:  Wow! Your wife has sure bought lots of luck to you.

James: Actually I was a billionaire before marriage.

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911 Call

Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!

911: Alright, What is it?

Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!

911: So what's your emergency?

Boy: The ugly one is winning.

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What are you looking at

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Jimmy and the Teacher

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"

Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

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